Friday, July 6, 2012

This Sundress is Not for You

I want to take a minute to talk about something serious- street harassment. I've never met a woman that hasn't had to deal with cat calls, whistles, and/or unwanted advances at some point in her life. It's something I face about 2-3 times a week as part of my commute to work. Most days I can shrug it off with a witty remark, but Tuesday I dealt with five separate instances of street harassment. 


1. 9:00am- On the platform at the train station:  "Good morning beautiful". I sigh, roll my eyes and walk away.
2. 9:20am- On the bus a guy sits super close and says "hey baby, how's your day going?". I say "It was going fine until you invaded my personal space" and change seats. 
3. 9:25am- Walking from the bus to work, I get honked at and whistled at by a truck full of workers. The driver almost hits a biker because he isn't watching the road. I give them the finger and shout "watch the road". One of the men calls me a stupid bitch. 
4. 2:45pm- Out of work early for the Holiday and excited to go meet up with my guy for a late lunch, I'm walking quickly to the bus. While waiting at an intersection for the walk signal a guy says "Excuse me" thinking he's going to ask me for directions, I acknowledge him. He follows up with "where's your boyfriend pretty girl." I say "Please leave me alone" loudly and cross the street.
5. 9pm- Walking with my boyfriend enjoying the beautiful summer evening listening to him tell a funny story when I am distracted by kissy noises and calls of "damn, girl" and "hey sexy" from three men sitting on a stoop. I glare at them, drop my boyfriend's arm and say "You've got to be kidding me." He looks confused because he didn't hear any of it. I explain what happened and that I would have said something back to them had he not been with me. They outnumbered him 3 to 1, and I didn't want to start anything. I then vent to him about my day. I'm shocked that this happened with him. Normally men don't bother you if you appear to "belong" to someone else. 

By the end of the day I felt unsafe, pissed, annoyed, anxious, and sad. 



 I don't know what it is that makes some men think that I get dressed for them in the morning, but I don't. I get dressed for me. This sundress is for me! Women deserve to live in a culture where we can walk freely in our communities without fear of harassment or assault. 


Outfit:
Dress and Belt: H&M
Cardigan: Target
Sandals: Payless


If you are experiencing street harassment, or want to do more check out Hollaback! Please don't ignore street harassment! Take a stand. Talk about it and share your stories. 


I'll get down off my soap box now, but I felt the need to share with y'all. 

22 comments:

  1. Bravo!!! Love this post! It's funny just yesterday my friend was telling me about hme this man came up to her on the street & put his arm around her waist. She cursed him out & threatened to kick his balls in! Unfortunately I've dealt with street harassment since I was 14yrs old & my body filled out. I remember being 16yrs old riding the subway in NYC and having a man rub his body against me. I felt so violated & cried when I got off the train. I told my mom & she told me the next time that man got close to elbow him & shout "GET OFF ME!". I dried my tears & the very next day the man tried to rub against me again & I elbowed him and created such a ruckus other ppl came to my assistance. Never again I did I feel powerless in that situation.

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    1. Wow, Georgette, that's scary! I'm so glad you told your mom and that she gave you such kick-ass advice! I'm going to remember that to tell my daughter when she's older. And I'm going to teach my son to not only be respectful himself, but to insist that others are as well.

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    2. They started young for me too (I was an early bloomer). Fortunately, I never took public transit as a teenager so I didn't have to deal with that level of harassment. Sounds like your momma gave some good advice!

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  2. Thanks for sharing this. It's important for women to know that this is harassment. I don't deal with it on my commute, but you'd be shocked at how forward some make students can be. Every school year I have to go to the principal about something (in this age of "he said/she said" you can't be too careful). It's frustrating because like you said, I'm dressing for me, and I'm not dressing provocatively- what the hell makes you think you can ask me "When we gonna go on a date?" or say "Day-um girl!" when I walk by. Thanks for getting on your soap box

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    1. It always amazes me when women don't recognize it as harassment. It's just "men being men". That's the kind of culture that makes men think it's ok! I can imagine teaching teenage boys is a pain. My little sister (she's 16) is a camp counselor and she's reported 8 year olds hitting on her. They start young!

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  3. Seriously, thanks for this! Haven't known a single woman who hasn't had to deal with harassment. I work out in an office park in the middle of nowhere Largo, MD that's not exactly walkable to anything close. There's a grocery store a mile away that I like to walk to on my lunch break but every day I get honked or whistled at. It sucks, and while I need to get out and get some exercise, I also dread what I know is coming. Fucked up, much?

    I should mention that this also happens when it's 40 degrees out. And I'm wearing a coat. And a scarf. And a hat. And boots. Ridiculous.

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    1. Totally fucked Agreed- It doesn't matter what you're wearing! I've been hit on at the grocery store wearing sweats with no makeup, greasy hair and pale from running a fever.

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  4. wow, seriously? who do these people think they are? i am ok with a good morning beautiful, as long as he just keeps walking, but these men sound relentless...and to do it when you are with your boyfriend? crazy!

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    1. Yea. I've never had it happen when I've been with a guy before. It was a little crazy.

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  5. I can't even believe all of that happened to you in ONE DAY. Seriously. That is just ridiculous. And then to have it happen in front of your boyfriend is out of line. I always wonder what men think they will accomplish when acting like that. And what they would think if they heard that their mothers or daughters or sisters were treated like that. I could keep venting but I won't! :)

    Hannah Tattoos and Pearls

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    1. Please, vent away! I was totally hoping to start this kind of conversation.

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  6. I haven't had to deal with this in awhile (thank God) but it used to happen a lot in college. Once it was a teenager in his mama's minivan cruising campus and shouting "Ya'll are soooo beautiful!" to me and a friend. That didn't bother me much because he wasn't vulgar or threatening. Usually, though, it was rude and sometimes scary. I often just flipped them off and kept walking.
    The last time I got cat-called was about 7 years ago. I was 7 months pregnant! Some guys are just bastards!
    Now, when I go out, I'm almost always with at least one kid or my husband. This seems to be a good deterrent.

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    1. I agree that when it's just a kid being a kid it isn't threatening, but if no one tells that kid that that isn't appropriate will he grow up to be the creepy/ over aggressive guy? Also, cat called when preggers? ICK!

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  8. this is terrible tashia, i'm sorry you had to deal with so many inconsiderate comments and actions on the day you wore this gorgeous dress (i love it!). i appreciate the way you handled the situations and the encouragement you have for your readers to do the same if faced with similar comments. have a great weekend!

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    1. Thanks Heidi. I truly believe that talking about it is so important.

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  9. Oh boy, some men just dont move past the teenage boy mentalitly. I was in full mommy mode the other day, kids in tow, running errands and this group of boys walking down the sidewalk started yelling something as I was getting the kids in the car. I couldn't hear what they were saying, so I turned towards them, only to realize they were yelling, "Wanna look at my weeiner? Wanna look at my weeiner?!" I was so confused I just kept staring! (They were like half my age!)

    You're so right in that every women faces this stupid stuff at some point, but you had quite a crazy day with it! (I still can't belive they did that with your boyfriend RIGHT there. Like, really guys? Really?) On a better note, I really, really love this dress! The pattern is so love and the skirt is just fantastic, it looks so light and airy. :)

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    1. Ugh. In front of your kids? GROSS! Agreed.Show me a woman that hasn't had to deal with street harassment at some point, and I will seriously give her a cookie!

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  10. This always happens, and usually always in the damn public transport. I don't dress provocatively at all, but there would always be some creepies around the corner. That's how fucked up society is. And that's why I bought a pepper spray -_-

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    1. I've taken a self defense class! Agreed it doesn't matter what you wear. Society is pretty messed up, and it's not even really about sex. It's about power. Men showing that they have it and can intimidate us. But by talking about it and acknowledging it's not ok we can slowly make a difference.

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  11. I get "Hey Beautiful" on the T and I just ignore them. But its hard to ignore someone when you are waiting on them in the store I worked in, and they are standing next to me, and as I am telling them about an item they are interested in, they stare at my eyes and say "You have beautiful eyes. Really they are gorgeous. Are those contacts?" Its very awkward and I usually would stutter, um thank you, and try to keep talking about the item but was so thrown off that I couldn't remember what I was saying. This happened with a lot of men that came in with their wives or girlfriends and the wife was looking at something else. I was thinking like seriously your wife is right there dude.

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  12. Ug... I am sorry that you had to deal with that. NO fun. I am glad you are sticking up for yourself though. I just walk away awkwardly... I need to improve with that.

    you do look amazing in this dress! I love it!

    Sara
    http://seventwentysomethings.blogspot.com/

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Thanks for reading. I would love to hear your thoughts!